It’s been two years…

I’ve had this blog for more than two years. Man, time flies.

And summer is half over.

I’m sitting hear with my iPod, trying to think of stuff to put in here. My life is, unsurprisingly, lack-luster, and I’ve got nothing to say, er, type. I’ve been reading over my writings and trying to figure out if they’re any good. Mostly, I think they just kind of taper off in the middle. I’ve got no idea how to fix that.

American Idol is coming to my town. My mom thinks I should go for it. I’m unconvinced; singing for my career would be so beautifully unimaginable. My voice isn’t awful, but it’s certainly not spectacular, and I’d rather not hear that on national television. But then again, I’ve had a few dreams, and there I am, singing on stage.

My life seems like it’s a such a stand-still. Then again, that’s always what summer has been for me: a break. But I can’t help but to want something to just happen.

Don’t laugh, but I bought a pair of jeans a few weeks ago, and a quote was written on the tag:

“Life isn’t about finding yourself. It’s about creating yourself.”

I stared at it for ten minutes, it hit me that hard. I’ve been trying to make myself get out of my comfort zone for years. In my head, it sounds so simple. I just have to be myself around people and not care what they think. But like so much else, it’s so much harder in reality.

Like today, I was dragged to a family reunion with people I hadn’t seen in fifteen years, which roughly translates to me having no idea who they are. I definitely did not want to go, but did so for my grandmother. There were some cousins there my age, and one of them went out of her way to be really nice to me, but I was so out of my comfort zone and so didn’t want to be there that I kind of kept to myself. I’m pretty sure that all of my cousins think I’m stuck-up, which isn’t true. They were so different from me, in the highschool social sense, that I was intimidated. I’m what you’d call a nerd, and I’m not necessarily ashamed of it, but I have a hard time opening up to the popular, pretty, self-confident crowd. (Please try to ignore my stereotypical crap. I’m not trying to offend, just trying to explain myself in an easy manner.) I’m shy, sort of.

Wow. For not having much to say, I’ve sure put a lot on here. Kind of feels nice to get it all out.

~ by Emily on July 7, 2008.