Restless

So, it’s summer. And I am definitely in limbo mode. I just want to DO something. I have a sort-of job (they haven’t scheduled me yet), but other than that I’m doing nothing…besides watching my sometimes-evil little sister.

College is there enough that I’m worrying about it already. And it’s only June. I schedule classes in a few weeks (hopefully that goes well), and I’m waiting to buy a lap-top. Actually my parents are buying it for me – graduation present. I’m really really excited.

There are a lot of things I should be doing or would like to be doing, aka finishing the story I started sophomore year (but will probably never finish) or cleaning all the crap out of my closet, but I don’t know. The combination of laziness and restlessness is driving me nuts.

And I screwed over my sleeping habits entirely. Maybe I can get that one back on track, but it might take awhile. I hate waking up in the middle of dreams, so even if it’s 11:30, I go back to sleep just to finish it up, which usually doesn’t happen anyway.

Okay, my rambling is boring the poor soul reading this (sorry, sorry, sorry) and not helping the ants in my pants, so I’m gonna go think up a task to occupy myself. Later.

Last Day

I can’t believe it’s all over.

I keep flopping between relief and sadness. It was definitely a bittersweet day.

I still get really close to tears when I think about my friends, as some are going far away, or band class, which I will never be a part of again.

In some twisted way, I’ll miss the lockers, the hallways, the teachers. Eating lunch in the courtyards and complaining about anything and everything with the people in my classes.

It’s been thirteen years, but it’s still so hard to believe it’s over.

Gah. I hate all these feelings existing at once. And my rooms is full of the crap from my locker. Not a good reminder at the moment.

whoa

It’s been awhile. Super hard for me to believe that it’s April already.

Life has been crazy, but when is it not? Between school trips, teachers dumping projects on us, and AP exams, I’m ready to take a month-long nap. Hibernation is sounding really awesome right about now.

School seems rather pointless at the moment, espcially in my non-AP classes, which, ironically, are the ones I need to graduate. After the AP Calculus exam (which I’m trying not to stress about), school will be so pointless for me.

Graduation seems far away at times, but I know it’s all too close. I’m ready to graduate, and then I’m not. I’ve been going to the same school for almost thirteen years; it’ll be really interesting to see what happens when I’m dropped into a totally new environment with completely new people.

My friends seem to think I’ll hide away in my room; that’s most likely not gonna happen, especially because now I’m determined to prove them wrong. Apparently, I’m scared of boys, and all I do is study. I am a homebody – I can’t disagree with that one – but the boy-fright I can argue with. I haven’t really had the chance to meet new boys in years, and just because I’m not the type to randomly flirt with strangers doesn’t mean I have a fear of the male sex. Obviously, I’ve let my friends get to me. But I know that there’s usually truth in teasing, and I’m pretty sure at least two of my friends are being more than truthful.

It’s okay, though. I’m not that worried. Maybe.

Gah. I hate that I’ve let them make me doubt myself. I made friends with them quite nicely; who’s to say I won’t just as easily make new friends? And as for boys, that is yet to be determined. Being a little shy and boyfriend-less for eighteen years isn’t a crime in my book…

Longest week of my life

This week has been…interesting. Tests are piling up, but I think I’m dealing with that stress relatively well. It just feels like the days are so long now.

During my calc class today, I got this…energy. I don’t know. I just felt so restless. I took my shoes off and sat cross-legged for the whole period. Don’t know how that helped, but somehow I felt a little more calm. Except not.

And then I got home, all ready to work on the piles of homework and chores I want to get done this weekend, and my restlessness got a heavy dose of lazy. I’m not sure how those two emotions go together, but whatever. I really don’t want to even attempt to begin to explain my behaviors. They’re beyond me.

I haven’t been writing lately; I’ve been doing more reading. It’s nice actually, to have the time. Well, make the time. Homework is being pushed more and more on the back burner for me. I guess it’s natural though. February needs to hurry up and turn into March so March can turn into April. =)

Okay, I’m done rambling about boring nothingness now. At least for today.

=)

Psalm 18:20

You, O Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.

I found this while looking for a verse for a school project the other day, and it really spoke to me. Something I really need to remember.